From the collection published in 2020, The Immediate and No Sooner.
today would have been plain dull
but screams from upstairs
spiced up a sentence structure
bogged down in weak adjectives
with the emptiness –
pink and red
zinnias spilling over –
how you now see it!
5 thoughts on “Tanka 172, Shadorma 291”
I just finished up the school year (I dragged my carcass across the finish line) and received three bouquets of flowers from students’ families. I could not find my vases (I actually have a feeling I donated them during a ruthless purge) so I had to cram all of the flowers into the one vase I could locate. Your second poem, therefore, could describe those poor flowers that had the misfortune to end up with me.
I love the metaphor of punctuation in that first poem. I don’t think I every want to live a simple sentence life but sometimes there is far too much punctuation. Somewhere in the middle is nice – a few commas and maybe a dash or a single semi-colon. That’s probably the most pleasant life setting for me.
Congratulations on making it through the year. That is a triumph all right. I have one vase for flowers. Big bouquet, or one rose, well, that’s where it is going. So I know what you mean! And I agree, I would like a life of flowing sentences and complete thoughts…but, well, things sure do have a way of developing their own grammar and sentence structure, don’t they?
I’m not sure if I want the punctuation of screams–unless they are screams of joy.
I can see those zinnias!
Or maybe screams from a roller coaster or Halloween haunted house? Me, I liked the scream of joy angle you mention a lot.
More pleasant. 😊
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