Number Four
I don’t want to be number four
because there is
gold silver bronze and then
number four. A green satin ribbon
lettered in gold. Fourth place.
I don’t want to be number four.
That’s what she said to him. She said
Let’s just stay friends. I don’t want to be
number four.
1/24/19
Claudia McGill Writes Poetry, Did You Know That? 
Ah yes. Just outside the ranking positions is not a comforting or comfortable place to be in any area of life. I would rather be way down in the list of also-rans than to think I was almost there but just not quite good enough – it is somehow easier for me to write something off to experience and accept that that thing is just not for me than to exist in that space where I have to ponder the “what ifs” and be uncertain as to whether to give up or dig deep and keep trying.
In my swimming career I could pretty much always count on placing (which sounds arrogant but it was just the truth). But winning? Rarely. When I did, a big woo hoo! 2nds, 3rds, frequent but not to be counted on, and definitely celebrated. And I never liked being 4th, missing out on the medal. You’re right 5, 6 7 8, it just doesn’t have the sting of 4th.